Detox is Under Way

Detox is officially under way. For breakfast this morning I had a tasty pomegranate and berry smoothie. I had some trail mix for a snack and now I've moved on to butternut squash soup (see the pictures). I've been sipping on hot tea, which has helped keep me comforted. It's slightly anxiety provoking to take on this program

I decided to meditate today for 5 minutes. I decided I wouldn't time myself and just see if I knew how long 5 minutes was. I found my thoughts frequently wandering. I thought about how I was giving up caffeine, especially espresso. I thought about how I was going to be teaching soon. I tried to do what I did in Yoga before where I allow the thoughts to come to me, but I let them flow through me instead of fixating on them. I then did some positive energy imagery. I noticed Zeus kept purring as he sat next to me, which was nice. I came out of the meditation thinking there way no way it had been 5 minutes. I figured about three minutes had passed, but when I looked at the clock it had been nine minutes. Crazy and amazing.

Detox Starts in the Morning

Yes, that's right, a detox. I have put myself through the ringer the last 2+ years. I've gained 20 pounds. I've all but given up blogging, which is something I love. I don't run anymore. I don't do yoga. I don't do art. I don't eat well. And, part of the reason I don't eat well is because eating is one of the few pleasures I get in the day. It's not worth it. So, I decided to do a mind/body detox. For the next four weeks I'm giving up gluten, caffeine, added sugar, dairy, and processed foods.

The very first task to this detox is making a list of the top 5 reasons for why I'm doing this cleanse. This will serve as a motivation when craving and withdrawals set in. And, yes, there will be withdrawals. The warnings suggest my body will revolt for at least two days with extreme fatigue and severe headaches.

Reason #1: To have a healthy mind. There was a time in my life right after graduating college where I really focused on making my mind healthy. I was meditating, doing art, and creatively cooking really healthy recipes. I miss those days and I at least want a taste of what that was like. These days my mind is bogged down with thinking I'll eventually catch up. I need to stop struggling under that delusion and remember that my time is valuable. My mental health is valuable, so I'm not going to keep cutting my personal time out.

Reason #2: To have a healthy body. Shortly before grad school I had started eating healthy. I was eating small meals and mostly fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. I remember having so much energy. I caught myself running up stairs. It all ended after going on a vacation and then starting a second job...and then grad school. I remember feeling so sick the whole week I was on vacation. I was sick from all the toxic food I was putting in my body. I want to remember what it feels like to really feel cleansed again.

Reason #3: To prevent disease/illness. So many of my family and friends are having their gallbladders removed. Not old people, people my age. Other people I know and love have gall stones. Diabetes runs in my family, and so does cancer. I always used to tell myself I was young and didn't need to worry about these things. But, I keep getting older (thankfully) and I've failed to take the steps necessary to prevent these serious diseases/illnesses that I am at high risk for.

Reason #4: To create less waste. One of the goals of eating more whole foods is to prevent less waste. Less energy is used to process the foods. Less packaging is used to ship/sell the food. And, if there is usually an option to buy organic, which means the environment will suffer less from my decisions.

Reason #5: To experience something different with Jason. I've got the support. It's something we've talked about trying before. And, we've successfully changed our lifestyle several times in the past. This will be a trying, but rewarding experience for both of us.

Is anyone else getting this?

I was sitting in Theory this week and myself and another cohort member were talking about how we seemed to be completely lost. We're reading Karl Marx so it's some pretty historically and philosophically deep stuff. I'm convinced that it's not so much the topic that's hard to follow, but the thought process of the presenters (both the professor and the writer). As we were conversing about this the professor walked in and asked if we were confused. Upon admitting that we were he reassured us by saying, "if you aren't confused you aren't learning."

This certainly made me feel better about what I was viewing as a self-deficiency. I think that's a very core truth that until someone says it to you, you don't really realize the truth in it. So regardless of the fact that half the time I'm sitting in graduate school lectures I find myself asking if I really belong here, this probably is both perfectly normal and positive. I can now take comfort in the face that I don't understand half of what is said. And, those around me either get it, or they do an insanely good job of pretending they do. But, somehow I think everyone else is in the same boat and that we just manage our expressions differently (there's a sociological study for me to do).

Classes are going good. There is a lot of reading. The content has remained interesting so far, which motivates me to keep going. I talked with a second year this morning and he told me, "just think...after next week the quarter is 1/3 of the way over." This both excited me and stressed out a little. All the second-years reassure me that the first year is the hardest, and of the first year the first quarter is the hardest. So, I'm 1/5 of the way through the hardest quarter of my career!

My GTF classes are great also. I certainly have a favorite section, they're amazing. The other group is amazing also, but a little more standoffish. I find myself questioning the differences I use in the teaching methods between the two classes and trying to decide how much of my teaching differences influence their behavior and/or response...probably a large portion of it. Trying to work on that.

Anyhow, sitting in office hours and still no one has come to visit. Although, I'm not surprised. It's Thursday afternoon and a lot of students probably are done with classes for the week. Probably not the best timing on my part. Hope everyone has a great weekend. Cheers to one more week down!

My Promise to the Working Class

Let this be a promise, put in writing, that I will not abandon my people for the sake of my own success. I will not buy into these ideas of higher education being about research, individual successes, and how much I can cram into my curriculum Vitae. Instead, I promise to use my education to better the lives of others. To reach out to those who are most like me, living working-class lives, experiencing discrimination in multiple forms, and teach them to better understand their predicament, how to get out of it (if they so desire), and how to help others.

I do not aspire to be a published, well-known professor at a well-known research institution. I do not seek to only further my own research interests, and the research interests of other detached, highly educated, impersonal scholars. Instead, I want my research to speak to people, everyday people. I want my research to tell a story that ALL can understand, not only those with status initials at the end of their name.

Let me remember, at the end of this ordeal, where I come from and where it is I desire to go at this very moment. Let me remember that sociology is about helping those in need, creating social change for the better, and that it is not about the fattening of my personal pocketbook.

Start of Fall and Classes

The fall weather began on the exact same day that classes started. It's cool and gloomy, but I really like it for a change. The air is starting to smell like fall here, which is something I miss dearly from living in Michigan my entire childhood. In California it's about 90, sunny, and dry right now. So, I'm feeling this weather. At least for right now...talk to me in December.

Going to my first GTF class today. Looking forward to seeing all the crazy Freshpersons. I also find out today which sections (day and time) I'm teaching, which I'm dying to know since I could be teaching as early as tomorrow. Luckily, my professor who is leading the class seems pretty loose about what and how we teach. I suppose I'll just try and make it as fun as possible, and as interactive as possible and go from there. Gosh, it can't be much different then working with the 3 children at my nanny job for the past seven years. Probably comparable discipline issues. HA! Maybe I'll make a time-out corner in the room!

As far as my classes are concerned, they're alright. I'm learning quickly that professors REALLY like to talk about themselves and really have little to no concern about whether or not you're really getting the material. Please, please, please, don't let me ever get like that. I really don't want to be the type of professor that constantly brags about themselves, rambles on and on, and does so in a manner that the students might as well not even be in the room.

I love reading the theory we've been assigned. Class is supposed to be a seminar, but appears to be more of a lecture format, which is extremely disappointing. I'd much rather speak with the others in my class about their interpretations.

My methods class sounds like it's going to be relatively interesting. Should offer me a well-rounded idea of what my research method options are. Although, I doubt I'll go with anything other then qualitative just because I really enjoy it and that's what my experience is in.

Someone asked me yesterday how I was feeling about school and all I could say was, "amazing." This is exactly what I've always wanted, always dreamed about. It's incredible that I don't have a job outside the university. I don't have to "switch gears" from the academic world to the "work" world. I actually think I'll have less stress in this program then I ever did in undergrad, but mostly because I'm not working full-time while trying to go to school 15+ semester units. I'm so thankful that I got accepted, and so glad that people pushed me to say yes. I'm really looking forward to the next years. And, yes...you can hold that against me later on.

My First Discussion Syllabus. OMG, so excited!

SOC 207: Social Inequality – Fall 2009
Tracy DeHaan, GTF
Email: tdehaan@uoregon.edu
Office: 630 PLC
Office Hours:

Overview

The purpose of discussion sections is to give students a chance to better understand the course material through dialogue with other students. While I will help to guide discussion and reinforce what I think is important, the responsibility for creating productive discussion sections ultimately lies in your hands. The following is necessary in order for this to happen:

1. STUDENTS WILL BE EXPECTED TO READ THE ASSIGNMENTS BEFORE COMING TO CLASS. In order to be an active participant in the classroom, you must come to class prepared—even if being prepared means simply having questions about what was confusing to you in the readings. Come to class with readings done and bring your book, notes, and a writing utensil to each session. Being prepared means having all the tools you need to participate.
2. DO NOT PLAN TO USE CLASS TIME TO CATCH UP ON NON-CLASS ACTIVITIES. Do not read the sports page, surf the Internet, text ur bff, make your grocery lists, plan your weekend, write letters, sleep, flirt, or catch up with friends. Mentally “checking out” of class in this way will make it difficult to do well in the course and will be disruptive to your classmates. In addition, I will find it highly annoying. If you have a pressing need to do these things during scheduled class time, do yourself, me, and your classmates a favor and just don’t come to class. This is why attendance is not required for your grade. Instead, regular attendance acts as an opportunity for extra points towards your grade at the end of the quarter.
3. CLASSROOM DISCUSSIONS SHOULD REMAIN CIVIL. We are here to learn from each other. It is difficult to learn from someone who is yelling at you, rolling her/his eyes, grumbling under his/her breath, ignoring you, interrupting you, or engaging in other dismissive behaviors. I don’t expect that any of us will be tempted to behave so rudely, but it doesn’t hurt to spell out that these things are out-of-bounds in the classroom.
4. CELL PHONES SHOULD BE TURNED OFF BEFORE CLASS BEGINS. It is highly disruptive when these devices make noise during class time. Please don’t make me act like an elementary teacher and take your phone away until after class. Just kidding. Sorta.
5. AVOID TALKING OVER OTHERS AND CHITCHATTING DURING CLASS. This is a huge pet-peeve of mine. If you need clarification on something, I don’t mind answering questions (if I can). If you are talking about something else, you should do it somewhere else. I reserve the right to ask you to leave or to ask you to sit somewhere else in the room.

Final Comments

I am here to help you. If you have any disability, either temporary or permanent, which might affect your ability to participate fully in the discussion, please let me know right away. We can figure out what accommodations will be necessary to provide for equitable participation.

Don’t be a stranger! I would like to learn a little bit about all of you, including your names. It would help enormously if you would feel comfortable enough to introduce yourself to me before or after class. Be sure to visit me in my office hours or I’ll get bored!

I believe that every single one of you can do well in this class. In fact, I expect you to come with your game face on, to try your best, to put as much into the class as you can and get as much out of this class as you can, to ask for help when you need it, and to work with me to ensure your success.

Finally, I want to stress that ALL students are welcome in my class, regardless of national origin, religious affiliation, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, age, physical challenge, socioeconomic status, or cultural background. Let us work to make our classroom an environment marked by kindness and mutual respect for one another. It is our differences, even more than our similarities, that offer the richest opportunities for learning.

End of "Last Weekend of Freedom"

Well, today brings to a close my "last weekend of freedom." Which, really wasn't all that free. Both of my professors sent me readings to do prior to our first class, including two chapters, an article, and some seriously heavy Karl Marx stuff. I'm definitely excited about it despite the prematurity of it all.

I talked to my mom and one of my best friends on the phone today. It was nice that both of them said I sounded good. In fact, my best friend told me that I sounded the best she'd ever heard me sound. That's great. I feel wonderful. Everyone in the Sociology department is so supportive and positive. They all reinforce my efforts and they help to remove any of the self-doubts I have. And, trust me I have a lot of self doubt. It's a welcome change, I'm not used to being around people who are so positive and supportive, especially in an academic environment.

Started my readings this evening and Karl Marx was an amazing thinker. I've only read 4 of the 60 pages I was assigned, but I feel like I've read an entire book. His work is like that, lots of depth. He's so right on, even 150 years later, about how our production of goods robs us (as individuals) of a rewarding and creative lifestyle. I could go more into it, but I'll spare you. His philosophies on religion also sum up a lot of what I feel, only I could never articulate it in the same manner that he does.

So far in my methods class I am generally surprised by how "easy" my assignments seem. I made it through the intro of the book (the most annoying chapter) and none of the concepts seem foreign to me. Thank goodness I had such an awesome theory teacher, took three methods classes, and a great intro to sociology teacher. I hear their voices and remember their examples as I read through the text. I am surprised at how elementary some of the work/concepts seem and can see where graduate school will be less about learning new information, and more about honing my skills and knowledge into something useful in research.

I meet tomorrow with my professor that I'm GTFing for. Should get the course syllabus and the book. Now, I just need to plan out my first lesson. Little nervous, but I'm sure I'll do fine. Always wanted to be a teacher, just didn't imagine it'd happen this fast.

Here's to a great first week. Wish me luck!